January 25, 2005
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Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul.
If either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas.
For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
Therefore let your soul exalt your reason to the height of passion, that it may sing;
And let it direct your passion with reason, that your passion may live through its own daily resurrection, and like the phoenix rise above its own ashes.
Khalil Gibran
Certain threads seem to run through the fabric that makes up the tapestry of my life. Lately it seems to be "birds and boats"
.
Balance in all things is generally what I strive for, but lately have not been acheiving my goal. Passion without reason, reason without passion are useless and meaningless. My boat has been floundering, but I think I have found the direction needed to put it back on track.
I try, by my own choice, to live my life by certain standards, by a "moral" code of honour. I don't claim to be perfect, I can be very impatient and can at times be a perfect whiner and grouch, but I do try. Lately I have been feeling dissatisfied by things around me. I have "moaned" about them, and felt self rightous and indignant. "Why are these things happening to me?, I try to be a good person".
At times it doesn't seem fair when things happen and they accumulate one after another.In feeling disheartened I have both physically and mentally let things slide. My mind is cluttered an uncreative, my apartment untidy. Part of it is knowing that I won't be staying there and will soon be packing, but in all honesty there is the other side to my laxity. A part of me started to give up. I got tired and simply didn't want to bother anymore. I lost my passion and felt I had no reason to keep fighting.
Why should "I" get a ticket, crash my car, have no heat etc. etc. Well, why not?? This is life, and things happen in life. I am not immune to disaster, nobody is. What I do need to do is control my reaction to it. Letting problems mount on top of each other until they become piled so high that I can't see beyond them is not healthy. My passion, tempered with reason can carry me through anything. One without the other will not.
The problems big and small remain. How, when and where to store my belongings as January 31st draws closer. Repairing my car (x2!
). Paying a ticket. Organizing my slightly mixed up, disorganized life.Getting divorced. Getting ready to move. How I approach them is going to change. Overnight? Probably not. But I am going to try. One thing at a time, prioritized and with passion and reason. The list will rise and fall with time, but hopefully always stay manageable. Truly I am blessed in so many ways, I have no right to complain! Balance, passion and reason - and smoother sailing for the future.
Comments (3)
miss lill - glad to see you recognize your feelings and try your best to brighten your spirits. I have to say, this past year has been amazing; I don't know ANYONE who could have pulled it off as well as you have and still have the energy and kindness to smile and be so optamistic. So much has happened in your life in 2004 - no wonder you're a little pooped! Where most people would have failed, you have prevailed. Where most people would have given up, you shine. You are an unbelieveable woman and by sticking it through, you've proven that nobody and nothing can drag you down. Sail your boat confidently and with your head held high. Your friends bathe in your positive energy and we thank-you for it!
You've said it all and know what you have to do...this is clear. The problem is actually doing it. Things are always easier said than done. I'm available whether it's easy or not. Just call or come by. One thing I noticed with my life is that when you are not trying too hard, after you feel you have given all you can, and you feel there is nothing else you can do. Just stop trying and see what happens for a while...something will usually pan out. Don't forget...while we stop trying, we can have fun!
You are right, there is something to be said for pausing for breath, regrouping and gathering one's strength. Sometimes just letting the wind push your sails along is okay too!
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