May 10, 2005

•  

  
  

  

  
  

  Giving Thanks, A Mystery Garden and Slaying the Dragon

  
  

   

  
  

  When I rise up

  
  

  let me rise up joyful

  
  

  like a bird

  
  

  When I fall

  
  

  let me fall without regret

  
  

  like a leaf

  
  

  Wendell Berry

  
  

  Right now when people ask me how I am feeling I really have only one answer. One true answer anyway. I feel incredibly thankful. Yes, I'm tired and worried and busy and a million other things, but above all that I feel....thankful.

  
  

  Inside of me is a calmness that is still and sure. It's as if I am on the right path now and on my way. To where? I don't know, but I'm on my way. Despite all the work that needs to be done and all the little daily disasters and mini catastrophes that seem to happen on a regular basis I feel truly happy and truly blessed.

  
  

  I am starting to sleep better, waking up confused and frightened much less often. I don't feel as nervous going to bed, in fact I feel quite peaceful. I feel like I am home.

  
  

  When I think of the world around me I realize just how lucky I am. Lucky to be able to buy a home. Lucky to be able to use my hands, my brain, my "wits" to repair and decorate it. Lucky to be able to earn my own way in the world and have a roof over my head and generous amounts of food on my table. Lucky to have friends and family to share my life with and to share their lives with me.

  
  

  Amid all the chaos and crumbling I have moments of pure serenity. I believe that for the first time in my life I feel truly happy. It's not that everything is perfect and hunky-dory, because it isn't....but it doesn't have to be. This happiness is coming from within and doesn't depend on anything or anyone, it just is. I cannot recall ever feeling like this before. Usually I considered the state of happiness as an external force - something nice happens to you and you are happy. Something bad happens and  you are sad. This is different. Despite or along with bad things happening, I remain happy. Not ridiculously grinning and endlessly pollyanna annoyingly cheerful (that could never be me! ) but innately peaceful and content.A quiet sense of joy.

  
  

  "Watching gardners label their plants

  
  

  I vow with all beings

  
  

  to practice the old horticulture

  
  

  and let the plants identify me."

  
  

  Robert Aitken

  
  

  My garden is springing to life. I recognize some things, daffodils, tulips etc., but all in all this is going to be a mystery garden. It appears to know what it is doing so I won't interfere too much!

  
  

  The old hound and I managed to slay one of my imaginary dragons this weekend! I have had an inordinate fear of lawn mowers. The purchase of, putting together of and operation of a lawn mower has been stressing me out no end.

  
  

  I bought a bright red gas powered lawn mower made by the Tecumseh lawn mower company. (I love that name!) To put it together was quite a chore, but together we managed to do it. I cannot emphasize enough my dismay at the state of directions that are put in these boxes of large items in many pieces that mere humans are supposed to be able to assemble. They are not clear and the diagrams abysmal. (and I am not just saying that!!) By monday afternoon the beast was under our control and my lawn is now no longer distressing my neighbours. (One old fellow did ask if I wanted a recipe for dandelion wine!).  The lawn mower was a symbolic hurdle for me. It was something that I had built into a larger fear/problem than it actually was, but in my mind it was huge. Now the red beast resides in my shed, tamed and ready to do my bidding! Thanks old hound for the help, you really are my knight in shining armour!

  
  

  We also tackled another domestic icon this weekend (gluttons for punishment that we are!) The old hound bought a lovely BBQ which also came in a large box and consisted of many pieces. A few things started out backwards and we did have one screw left over, but at the end of the day.....IT WORKS. Just one word of advice, don't ask someone to push the ignition switch while your finger is on the wire!! It's a rather shocking experience!

  
  

  The old hound is now King of the Grill. We have made bruschetta, chicken, baked potatoes, turkey sausages, pork sausages and burgers from scratch. All in two days!! I look forward to many great meals to come this summer!

  
  

  I also had the added treat of hearing both the old hound and his brother play guitar this weekend. He brought a twelve string over and Saturday night and with a nice wood fire going in the living room I had the luxury of live music. On Sunday afternoon his brother came over and also did some strumming. Can it possibly get any better than this?

  
  

   

  • 10:35 am
  • 3 Comments