This Friday is Canada Day!!
"I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind."
from the Canadian Bill of Rights, July 1st, 1960
Well, by golly, by the time my life is over I intend to be one hell of a huge, shiny hunk of bling bling!!
I like to believe that all things happen for a reason and that you should always try to find something positive out of even the most negative of situations. That being said I am also very human and got up feeling rather blah and sorry for myself. (poor little me etc.) It is hotter than hades here, my house plants are all in various stages of demise my grass is a peculiar crusty brown that crackles underfoot and my motivation to get up off of my ass and do something is about nil. (you get the idea).
I kept going over and over in my head last night - what if I had done this, what if I had done that etc. All exercises in futility but my mind often refuses to shut itself off and listen to reason.
I then started to look for the positive. So then I started to look a little deeper and harder for the positive. 
Digging even deeper........well, there it was all the time really.
I have always been rather paranoid about money. I don't particularly covet gargantuan amounts, I don't really care for alot of fancy-dancy exotic stuff (although I do like nice things) , I'm not into conspicuous consumption in a Puff Diddy, Oprah kind of way. I do however fear poverty. I guess when you have grown up without alot and struggled in your life that kind of fear gets ingrained into your psyche. For that reason I always need for my peace of mind a "cushion" or "safety net". I always need to have more than I need. I had been sitting on just such a cushion. Maybe this is the universe's way of forcing me to let go. Making me trust in myself and a higher power more. Shedding my old insecurities and fears. (Maybe not, maybe just thinking about it that way makes me feel better!) Without that little extra cushion I will have to budget, not just go out and get something because I need it or want it. I will have to put more thought into my decisions and actions.
It also made me realize how fortunate I am to be in a position where I can choose not to go through my insurance and absorb this myself. (Never mind the fact that I could buy another car with the cost of the repairs 
) I have so much to be thankful for in this life, so much more than I had ever dreamed of. Not just in material wealth but in happiness and joy.
Another much more worthwhile and positive outcome has also come out of this accident. The morning I brought my car down to Toronto I had about six hours to kill before work. I had been up early to drive in through the rush hour traffic to drop it off and arrange for alternate transportation. I was tired from being up early and from not sleeping well the night before. I did what comes naturally - I called my mother.
I went over to my parents place and for the first time in many years we actually talked. Not social fluff chatter, but talked. We spoke openly and frankly about my marriage and my divorce and some of the bad stuff that happened in between. We talked about my present and future plans. We talked about how they felt about it all.
For the first time ever, my parents told me they were proud of me. They said it had taken "guts" to leave a marriage where all material needs were met and to stand up to and say no to a life of abuse. They said it took courage to stand on my own and do what I am doing with both the house and my life. And about the car? They said "It's an accident, they happen. In a week your car will be back good as new. In a few months it will be all paid for. It's just a car. At least you weren't hurt."
That meant alot to me. No remarks of how could you be so dumb-careless-etc. (I had said that to myself enough already). No remarks of we told you something like this would happen. Just plain old emotional support. I am 42 years old and it still means so much to hear those kind of words from my parents.
So, if it took losing the back end of a Cadillac Sedan Deville to hear those words.....all I can say is it was worth it!!
Two reasons for this picture, first it cheers me up, second it is rather appropriate!
Wonderful weekend spent with the old hound. It was productive - got 99% of the kitchen painted, and fun - wonderful bbq steaks, home made sangria and romance. 
The weather was hot, hot hot! My mulberry tree is covered in berries, but mother nature seems to think that the buffet is open! Squirrels and birds are making a meal of them. We did manage to find a few ripe ones and now I know why the critters are so fond of eating them - they taste delicious! Not tart at all.
While sitting outside chatting on Sunday night the old hound and I kept hearing a rustling sound coming from the mulberry tree. I knew the squirrels and birds were long since in bed and my curiosity finally got the better of me. I got the flashlight and took a look. There was the guilty party - a little bandito caught in the act! Rocky Raccoon perched on a bough filling his tummy with MY mulberries. He was smart, beating all the daytime munchers to the punch. (Hence the picture above!)
Apparantly raccoons are smarter than we think as the following link will show:
http://fff.fathom.org/pages/opalcat/nasa.html
Now the second reason for the picture. I backed my beloved Big Blue into a cement pole in a parking lot! 
I have no idea how it happened. It was quiet, middle of the afternoon, I was in no rush, soft classical music playing, I was calm and happy. I backed out of the spot, needed a bit more swing for the front end, backed up again and WHAM! There went my back end.
It's funny how these things always seem to happen just when you think things are finally getting under control. I refuse to let it get me down though. Of course it isn't the end of the world, just an annoying BLIP! I'll just delay the stove and fridge I was planning to buy for a bit longer. In this weather I don't use the stove at all anyway, just bbq or nothing. I got a rental car from Avis for a week, hopefully it will be fixed by then. The holiday weekend kind of gets in the way of its repair. A silly accident for no reason at all, I guess that's why they call them accidents.
I do feel rather sorry for the mechanics fixing it though because it is absolutely stuffed with junk. From seats to trunk. Curtain rods, tupperwares, paint rollers, bug spray......you name it. All the things I have bought lately and not had anyplace to put just remained in the car. Also, here is a dirty little secret that only my closest friends know about!! While I am generally tidy in my home life, my cars tend to get a little messy. Coffee cups, water bottles, newspapers, junk mail....it all gets tossed into the back. I do clean my car out every so often, but right now it is at its zenith of disarray.
I now realize how much I enjoy driving my car. The rental is a Grand Am and doesn't even come close to my baby comfort wise or drive wise. If nothing else comes of this at least I will have learned to appreciate what I have.
Sometimes we avoid doing things even if we enjoy them because we can't do them "perfectly". We hold ourselves up to standards that were created by others and may not even be relevent to our situation. If doing something brings you joy then nobody can criticize the result - it was an act of creation that had a positive effect. Revel in ineptitude and you may find that ineptitude doesn't really exist!
At every point in the human journey
Kathleen R. Fischer
The most minute transformation is like a pebble dropped into a still lake.
Emmanuel
Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
It’s quotation time again!! I have been thinking about life and change and transition. When I look back over the past year I am amazed at the changes in both my life and the lives of those around me. Although I am still "me", I am also very different. It is difficult to quantify and perhaps not even apparent to those who know me. It is not a drastic change nor very dramatic, just a gradual, gentle transition. Maybe more of an evolution of the soul.
So many things I once considered important have fallen by the wayside. New priorities have emerged. When I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror now I gaze at those eyes and wonder who she really is and where is she headed. She looks a little bit familiar……….
I see the ripples of my transformation spreading through my life and touching others. I feel a gentle nudge as their ripples touch me. Everything we think, everything we do has so many implications for ourselves and for others. When I am able to slow down enough to let the universe catch up with me it usually becomes obvious that there is purpose and meaning to all the events in my life – both the positive and those that I consider negative. There are way too many coincidences for them to be merely coincidental! If I could only learn to stop struggling against the flow of life. If I could trust more in the universe to allow it to buoy me along to where I need to be. That is when serendipity kicks in and it all seems to make sense.
I have not written anything for months now. I have not picked up a sketch book or a paint brush. (Well, lots of paint brushes but only the big on your wall types!). I have not felt "inspired" in that way. Yet, I would not say I haven’t felt inspired. Inspiration has been channeled into other avenues – the three r’s of misslill’s curent mantra - renovation, repair and reorganization.
For me to not write anything for days would previously sent me into a bit of a tizzy. I would worry about "writer’s block", that the well was dry, that I had "lost " the ability. Now it’s rather odd. It’s almost like I purposely choose not to start writing anything right now because I do not have the time or the energy for it. All my ideas and thoughts are in a holding pattern waiting for me to sit down and unlock the Pandora’s box of my imagination again. I have no fear that it has gone forever. It will always be there waiting for me, the time just has to be right.
Another huge life change is on my horizon. The old hound and I will soon be sharing our lives and moving in together. It is another chapter in the book of transition. Each of us brings to the other a myriad of colourful beliefs and experiences. The rivers of our lives met and the ripples touched, setting off new swells and curls. Our energies and emotions ebb and flow reflecting off of each other like sunlight off of the water and everything around us is transformed. These are exciting times, full of potential and possibility!!
Mucho "Micro-Movements"
I seem to have caught fire today! Before work I managed to do a bit of painting in the kitchen. A bit of advice for you all: do not think you can clean a paint brush and roller using the hose while it is still attached to the "pssscht psssscht" circular sprinkler. I thought I would save time by attempting this. What I may have made up for in time cleaning the brushes I more than lost in having to remove the drops of paint from my person and dry myself off. I was however in the back yard and therefore not laughed at by the usual old men on their front porch. (but I did see the dandelion hating old guy at the back of me!).
Once dry and clean I headed to Toronto. Hit the bank (not literally, I'm not a criminal!) and changed my address, ordered cheques and paid my hydro bill. Hit my old home to pick up some mail, my ex left it in the mailbox for me. It was curious going back there. It doesn't feel like home at all. I don't feel anything at all when I look at that place. Time heals all wounds I guess eventually. I then headed to the drivers license place and switched the address on my license and my ownership of Big Blue. Swung into Home Depot, picked up some drill bits and a metal reinforcement for my front door (since I won't be replacing it just yet! ) Time to learn another skill! Grabbed a coffee and got to work just in time. On my break I called all my credit card companies and changed my address with them.
Not sure what spurred me on to get my a** in gear today. Too much procrastination lately. I am a great believer in Sark's micro-movements in getting things done. I'm reading a book called "The Opposite of Fate" by Amy Tan and she mentions things becoming less overwhelming - that now they are merely "Whelming". I like that. Right now things are WHELMING! I find myself in slightly less of a mess. A great improvement!
Yvonne has me worried now that my almost infestation may be an actual infestation. She said they might be cocoons of something! I hope not!! 
They didn't look particularly alive, but what do I know?
I've been trying to come up with my next action plan/itinerary for the next little while. I think 1.dumpster to empty garbage from house that is now filling the garage 2. repairman to look at dishwasher: is it really broken or do I just not have a clue? 3. light fixture for the kitchen before painting the ceiling (mine is too small, too dark for these old eyes) Can I install it? I hope so!4. new fridge before this one floats away in the water it is leaking or electrocutes me: probably not energy efficient therefore not worth the cash to repair. will get a dishwasher at the same time if it is beyond repair and possibly a new stove (ouch!). 5. new kitchen floor after the new appliances since they will be easier to move than the old ones!
That little list doesn't even take into account priming the living room and dining room and kitchen and finishing patching the wall by the fireplace, etc. etc. to one million and five more things to do. Not to mention the outside of the house.......upstairs.....the basement........
I feel good though. I feel energized and ready to take on at least my part of the world again. Tomorrow I get my hair chopped off. (hooray) I was growing it out but it's just too hot to let it get past that awkward stage - too short to put up: too long to bear in the heat. Hopefully it will be short enough to eliminate the leftover blonde on my ends. I'm going JUST before work so don't have time for a colour as well - I may end up with some PRETTY odd looking highlights.
Oh well, at least I'll be cool!!
Door Woes And An Almost Infestation!
Up bright and early for the exciting experience of meeting the door salesman. The appointment was for nine (which is early enough when you work evening shift!) but he called at about quarter to eight and asked if he could come earlier as an appointment was cancelled. I was more or less awake (more less than more ) but thought it best to get an early start on the day for a change.
He was on my doorstep in no time ringing the doorbell AND tapping on the doorknocker. Very insistent - not a good sign. I had misgivings already. He was a big, bluff, florid complextioned fellow with a big bellowing voice. Kind of reminded me of foghorn leghorn from the cartoons!
misslill's door salesman!!
He showed me a catalogue chock full of beautiful doors worthy of a small palace and I got a sneaking suspicion that they weren't cheap because there were no prices beside them. I have learned over the years that if the price isn't listed you probably can't afford it!! He suggested I pick out some styles that I liked and then we would talk business. I tried to choose the least expensive doors using the logic that the least amount of stuff on them would add up to a lower price. I don't think it mattered much because I think they were probably all the same price - his. I picked five doors and the CHEAPEST was $1784.00 and the most expensive 2300.00.
Now, I don't live in Fort Knox or Buckingham Palace and these doors were by no means the most ostentatious in the book but I felt that a little extreme. Especially when he said that because my trim was so old and was original millwork they couldn't guarantee that they wouldn't break it and couldn't replace it if they did. I told Foghorn that it was a little more than I had hoped. He puffed up like the little rooster that he was and asked just what had I expected to pay for a door. He had been selling doors all his life and could guarantee that I couldn't find a better deal elsewhere. I politely told him that I would think about it. He told me not to think too long or the price might go up even more and that they take ten weeks to arrive so if you want a door by winter the time is NOW! I don't like to feel pressured or bullied so I knew that I wouldn't be buying a door today. I kept the catalogue and card and bid him good morning.
That rather exhausting interaction out of the way, I decided to sit outside and have a cup of coffee. As I stepped out of the back porch I noticed something on the leaves of the tree in front of the garage. They were green and looked like.....catapillers!! Millions of caterpillers!! AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH! I took out the ladder and thought I'd have a closer look. Thinking quickly I surmised that if I chopped off the branches that were dripping with them I could maybe avoid an infestation of epic proportions.
you know it's serious when misslill climbs to the top of a ladder with nothing to lean on!
Sigh of relief, AAAHHH! It wasn't bugs, it was some sticky, seed thing - likely the same stuff that is turning the front of my car into an ad for glue.
But they did look like bugs, didn't they??
If anyone can identify this tree by the leaves I would appreciate it!
Since I had the camera out I took some shots of my other flowering shrubs. If anyone knows what they are, please comment.
Beautiful pink and white blooms on the same stem!
These blooms are huge, flowers the size of tea-plates. They look like something from outer space!
Clumps of flowers grouped together making huge snowballs that drop like confetti!
had to include Trish mowing the lawn with such enthusiasm and gusto on that hot, hot day Saturday!!
She tamed the big red beast no problem!!
Sunday was a fairly quiet, hot end to the weekend. I spent the morning painting the kitchen, doing the fiddly, niggly hard to get at bits. The old hound came by in the afternoon and we bbq'ed (of course!). Pork tenderloin for lunch, salmon fillet for supper. It was so hot we slept on the floor in the basement. It was either that or the gymnastics I performed earlier on the ladder trying to paint in my kitchen window shell and in the little corners, but the back of my legs and hips were killing me yesterday. Couldn't use the air mattress because the pump isn't working, but OnMyWay2Paradise is going to loan me hers so I'll be ready for the next hot spell!! It's much cooler today, only 25C so far. Thanks to the old hound for getting the stubborn cupboard door handles off 
. The screws were so stripped in some places they had to be sawed off from the front.
The old hound got to meet my parents for the first time yesterday. They stopped by for a coffee. It was a nice encounter. It's always funny to see your family through other people's eyes and hear how they remind them of you. My dad is 82 and my mother is 78. Those numbers seem phenominally high, I don't know where all the time went! I never think of them in terms of age. We have declared a peace of sorts. Basically we just don't discuss certain things and we will get along fine. My divorce upset them greatly as they were very fond of my ex husband and I felt very hurt and betrayed when they gave their support to him. Still, what's done is done and life is too short to hold grudges and anger just eats you up inside and serves no real purpose.
The weather is cooler and it is still early so I had better get off this computer and get some WORK done. I feel like I have two jobs sometimes, this house is one job and my work at the hospital. Too bad this one doesn't pay as well!!
Another scorcher, 34C today!! It was way to hot to paint inside so I put my renovations on hold yet again. However, being an inveterate workaholic I couldn't resist doing SOMETHING! I looked at my patio and was shocked at the amount of greenery growing in between the stones. Foolishly I began yanking them out. Foolishly because it was hellishly hot. Sweat was literally dripping off of me onto the pavement. Enough of that! I had a cool shower and decided to pamper myself and be completely decadent. I put on a skirt and blouse (to ensure I couldn't start doing anything dirty again - purely psychological! ), I then took out my crystal pitcher and filled it with lemon slices, ice cubes and perrier, plonked it and myself under the umbrella on the patio and delved into my (not- so -secret) obsession with tabloids.
I was heavily into the gossip papers when Trish popped in. She had finished work at two. Her cheerfulness and enthusiasm always brighten my day! She noticed the alarming length of my lawn and I told her I was planning to cut it tonight when it got cooler. Since she had never cut a lawn before she asked if she could do it instead. CAN YOU CUT MY LAWN? HELL YES! These are the kind of visitors that should always be encouraged! We fired up the big red beast and away she went. (and I must say did a much more thorough job than I usually do). Trish did the bulk of the back and I did the wee bits of grass on the patio. (looking highly inappropriate in a skirt and blouse I must say!) After that workout we really needed to cool off so that called for something drastic - BEER. I'm not really a beer fan, but there is something about it on a hot day that just seems to fit.
OnMyWayToParadise also dropped by with her sister and her sister's boyfriend. We dug up some plants and poked around my "mystery" garden. All kind of shrubs are flowering right now and I have no idea what they are, but they are lovely.
It was then time to water the back lawn. This time I used the psssssccchhht psssccchhhht sprinkler. The kind that goes in a circle spitting water making a chik chik sound. Of course me and water can only mean one thing - time to get wet. This time though it was on purpose. It was so hot there was nothing for it but to run and jump in the sprinkler. Chanelling ones inner three year old is so much fun!
Trish's boyfriend came by after he finished work and very kindly put up that horrid, nasty, evil curtain rod in the living room that had been the bane of my life last week. HOORAY! I now have living room curtains hanging on a proper rod, not sheets and twist ties!! Another giant leap in renovation land!
Lots of laughter, lots of good feelings today. It was such a nice feeling to have people drop in and (hopefully) feel at home.
After everyone had gone it seemed very quiet. I didn't feel like cooking so I just made a salad and opened a can of tuna. The old hound called to say hello before he started work which made me happy, hopeless romantic that I am.
A little boy knocked at the door and asked for six dollars in payment for the Oshawa Paper that gets delivered three times a week. The funny thing is, I never had any formal agreement to get the paper and I don't even know if that was the paper boy because I've never seen him!! (Not that I'm complaining, it's a good little paper - just amused at my trusting nature - knock on the door and ask for money: I hand it over! I'm not even sure how often payment is due for it. )
The sun has gone down now, and it's dark outside. I feel pleasantly lethargic. It's still hot but when you're not doing anything it's fine. I feel like another cool shower, a nice cold drink, then curling up with a book before bed. The perfect end to a perfect day!
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